Monday, August 23, 2004


Oh for fucks sake. I was confident that I could slowly work on the other man and find out gently whether or not he'd be interested in me, in continuing our relationship to more than it is for the moment.

My husband had this conversation with him:

Husband: I have to ask... are you interested at all? Bec just doesn't know, plus she has that whole "making the friendship turn weird"worry on top of it.

The other one: honestly, no. not that i don't find your wife attractive, it just that she's in a box marked "friend and MARRIED" which means that as far as my libido's concerned she's not just out of reach but off orbitting saturn

When he told me, I was shocked. Then I felt rejected and shamed.

I was quite upset that he'd done it when we'd discussed it and I thought I had impressed on him that I was taking the softly softly approach. He felt really bad that he'd done it after he realised how upset I was by the whole thing. I comforted him, and said that I'd get over it. - which is fairly accurate.

He realised that I was working on things slowly and subtlely, and that he'd done the equivalent of coming in and kicking my tower of blocks down. I told him that I'd continue doing things my way... and maybe he'd forced the issue.

Though on reflection now in the conversation, other than we are apparently a weird couple, the issue hasn't been forced at all.

On the other hand, I have discovered that he finds me attractive. Now I just have to work on it a bit harder.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Just when I thought I'd never get what I wanted...

Last weekend the other man visited. The visit was prefaced by my husband telling me that if I ever wanted to sleep with another man I should ask him because he might say yes. I thought that was weird... but didn't go near it really. I told my husband that I probably would only sleep with another man who I could fall in love with and that I wasn't into casual sex. We left the topic there for the time being... apart from him telling me that he felt guilty that he was getting more than I was (as he has recently found a male fuck buddy).

During the visit was I my usually affectionate self with the other man. My husband's fuck buddy (who was at the cocktail party we held on the Friday that the other man came down) even commented later that we appeared to be really close.

So we all got little sleep on Friday night because the cocktail party went until 5am. I slept badly and on Saturday we did bugger all as we were all so tired. On Saturday night there was a meet and greet thing for a bisexual group that my husband and I have joined at a bar followed by a party in Northcote. Saturday was freezing and wet. After dinner we dropped my husband and his fuck buddy at the party and drove home so my guest could get some sleep. We chatted, he made his bed, helped me make mine and then I got in the car to drive to the party.

The car broke down on the way to the party and I called the RACV to come and fix it. I phoned home and asked him to call my husband and tell him that I wasn't going to be able to go to the party. He offered to keep me company while waiting for the RACV and I thought that was sweet of him, so he came and stood in the cold with me.

While we were standing there, snuggling because it was cold, I told him what my husband had said about me sleeping with other men. I mentioned that I couldn't do it without falling in love with the other man. He said it was very much like the film "Chasing Amy". I also jokingly offered that he could come and sleep with me if he was cold... telling him that I didn't expect him to take up the offer.

Instead of going to the party I went home and to bed and slept fairly well. The next day he and I went to the Art Gallery, wandered around the whole thing hand in hand chatting about the paintings we like and why we liked them. We then came home and found my husband asleep in front of the tv. He'd had almost no sleep the night before and was still overtired from the cocktail party. We put him to bed and cleaned up after the cocktail party.

When I took in dinner for my husband he told me that he'd decided to refine his permission for me to sleep with other men. He trusted this other man sufficiently for me to sleep with him if I wanted to. It was an instant turn-on... but I thought that it wasn't a good idea until we'd spoken more about it when he was awake.

The next day my husband was starting his new job and I helped him wake up and prepare to get ready for it. I then snuggled with the other man while he was in bed, me on top of the covers wearing my dressing down and him underneath probably wearing his boxers. I got up and had a shower and he got dressed.

We went and did our usual breakfast and I told him about my husband's revised offer. He still said it sounded like "Chasing Amy", to which I had to agree to an extent. But I still want him.

I spoke to my husband more about it on the Monday night. I explained that I couldn't do it just once, that it would be a semi-regular thing and asked if he was sure he wanted a V style open relationship with me as the pivot. We chatted about it for a long time and he said that he think he could manage provided we were completely honest with each other.

This is all kind of moot though. I think that the other man wants me, but he is so good, and probably denies his feelings for me to himself. I've given him ample opportunity to be naughty and he never has. Which is probably just as well really... until now.

So... my husband strongly suspects that I have feelings for the other man, and doesn't seem to mind after I told him that I think I could love more than one man. Now all I have to do is initiate the conversation with the other man and find out whether he does want me, whether he would be happy with an open relationship, or cannot handle it at all.

Its not an easy prospect and I am very fearful of rejection. I do love him. I know that and I love spending time with him. I could easily sleep with him. But does he want me?