Tuesday, January 31, 2006

And the time is now...

So I have, in effect, moved on. I have found a new man to distract me from the pain that this one has caused and I hope that my days of suffering - caused by myself - are over.

However, this morning (at 4:30am Christmas Island time) I got a SMS from him telling me that he's been offered the Detention Centre management position. I've spoken to him since and I think he's going to take the position.

So, I am curious to see how my heart handles this. Of course, it is entirely possible that now he's closer he may want to do something about the relationship that I've offered. The rules have changed now, and if he does want something, it won't be the same as what I offered him before. It will be interesting at least.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

An overdue update...

Its been a while since I last posted... and things have and have not happened. I'll start with the most recent and work backwards. Not entirely logical, but easier for me to undertake.

The other man, or almost other man as I've started naming him, came down for New Years Eve. The visit was relatively uneventful... it was ridiculously hot for NYE and this subsequent weather change was very welcome. Generally we hung out together, I took him sightseeing in Melbourne and just spent time together.

During his visit I felt periods of sadness and frustration. Sadness that my love appears to be unrequited and frustration that a man I find to be gorgeous and sexy is unattainable. I also discovered that I still love him. Though since I have taken my power back, I don't feel tortured or in as much pain as I previously put myself through. So although somewhat melancholy, the visit was fun and I don't think I'm going to mourn his return to Canberra as I have previously. As my husband said this morning, love is not a light switch you can turn on and off at will.

It is currently looking as if he will be moving from Canberra to Melbourne in the near future, which will be an interesting experience for us both. I feel, and I could be completely wrong, that he doesn't like leaving and saying goodbye. I know I don't, but he is sometimes so hard to read that I work on instinct and impressions... subtext can easily be misread.

So in summary, I still love him, I still want him, and he hasn't shifted from his position. I've put boundaries around my behaviour so that I remain safe.

And in other news... A guy at work has been flirting with me... well I think he's been flirting with me, possibly flirting with intent. So I dropped a few hints about my lifestyle and we arranged to catch up while we were on holidays. We had lunch last week and it was fun. I filled him in on all the little details and he volunteered to keep it a secret. We ate, chatted and walked around Brunswick. We kinda agreed to catch up this week and so I am yet to see what happens. I've just SMSed him...

My problem here is that I don't know whether or not I am interested in him. It is flattering that he might be interested in me, but he isn't the type of bloke I would normally pursue. Maybe broadening my horizons would be a good thing. I'll see what the journey is like and go from there I guess.