Later in the day I decided that I was in a space where I could ask him a question that I'd never asked before. The email conversation went as follows:
Me: I'm going to ask a question, and you are free to either tell me you aren't going to answer it, or to answer it honestly. If I was single, would we have gotten together?
Him: If I thought I was a match for you and capable of maintaining your interest, probably yes
Me: *ponder* An interesting and unexpected response. Thanks for being honest with me. Though I am intrigued by the "capable of maintaining [my] interest". I never realised that I came across as fickle
Him: Not fickle, not what I meant. You're more complex and challenging than I am. Regardless, you are better off with your other man and your husband, they are both far better than I am/could be.
Me: That's your low self-esteem talking there sweetheart. I did fall in love with you remember. I don't think that anyone is "far better" than you are/could be.... apart from their polyness, my men are both flawed and damaged human beings (as most of us are). No one is perfect and I don't expect anyone to be perfect. I do agree that I am complex... and I know I am challenging, and that I challenge people with my world views/understandings/thoughts. And all of this would make me relatively high maintenance I guess.... though I don't know... my husband says I'm not, and my other man hasn't indicated that I am. I guess I'm intense, like my two men currently. Intense isn't bad, just different.
An interesting conversation I'm sure you will agree. It may continue tomorrow, it may not. But as I was saying to my husband, it isn't going anywhere... He may be jealous of what I currently have, but he had the opportunity and I'm sorry he isn't psychologically built for my lifestyle, but there isn't anything I can do about that.