Jealousy

He told me yesterday that he's been down because he's jealous of people in love, married, couples, threes, polys and everything else, as he is never likely to be anything other than single.

Several thoughts passed through my head with these words:

1. He had an opportunity - which has now passed - to be in love and in a relationship with me;
2. I can't do anything about this and I don't want to; and
   
3. I hate it when my friends are sad and I can't do anything about it.

I was surprised to realise that if he asked me to get together with him that I would now turn him down. Part of this is that I now have a new love interest... but the other part is the amount of hurt that I suffered last year. I don't want a repeat of that, and if there are no deep and meaningful coversations about the truth of the matter, then I don't want to go here.

I haven't stopped loving him, but I think the love has changed somewhat and the need vanished entirely. I had a year to sort that out... it didn't work and so I have finally moved on.

Mixed messages and moving on

The almost other man came down last weekend to househunt now that he is moving down to Melbourne. He is going to share an apartment with a friend of mine.

Anyway, before he came down he was expressing concern about moving. I explained that he was moving to a city where he had more friends and would be able to be himself. He told me that he was mainly moving to Melbourne because I'd asked him too... He didn't need to tell me that.

He was somewhat withdrawn during his visit... he was tired, stressed about moving and not in the mood for the cocktail party we threw for my and my husband's birthday. So he was not in the mood to deal with large numbers of people.

My new man came along to the party and they both got to meet each other. I was worried that my new and former man wouldn't get along... or that the former one would feel threatened/jealous. They seemed to get along ok and apart from the former man being withdrawn all weekend - things went very well.

I was surprised to find that the power imbalance in the relationship has disappeared. I am also distracted by my new man, and that may have some part to play as well. I think I've moved on. I think I've finally accepted that this relationship is not going to be more than it currently is, and am happy with that for the moment.

Only time will tell of course what my true feelings are. The blush of new love buries many old emotions. I have a shiney new toy to play with.