Doubting

My certainly of last night has disappeared, but my heart still aches. Its easy to know when the sensations of a few hours ago are still present, but now I have slept and my certainty has disappeared.

I know I can't leave my husband without incurring the wrath of my friends and family. Everyone was telling me to stay with him last year when we went through our worst. No one really considered my feelings at the time or how I was coping with it - which was very badly. I almost left, and I don't want to go through that again... and I am kinda feeling now like I am.

But this time I've complicated matters myself. I have a safe port for which I could flee... but if I did then everything, and I mean everything, would change. No more trust between me and James, jealousies, bitchiness and really the end of the friendship and relationship.

I can't tell him how I feel about the other man, because it would change things between us and I'm not certain that my feelings are reciprocated. I'll once again bury my heart and go the good fight. I remain the dutiful wife.