Poly lifestyles aren't for everyone

So, my husband and I have started attending a poly discussion group. Which is a good thing given the lifestyle we are entering into. At the last meeting a topic of discussion was that there are people who just aren't poly. They are monogamous and won't be able to handle polyamoury. This was a revelation to me. I hadn't considered that the other man could be solely monogamous and won't get his head around sharing with me.

I realised that I really need to sit down with him and discuss his values and views of the world. I need to contain any hurt that can potentially occur now and accept that. If I leave this longer it is going to hurt far more in the future when I am further entwined in his soul. I've already started building a wall around my heart, and I haven't even had the conversation.

I met up with the convener of the group a few days later and I mentioned this revelation. She said that she was worried that I would give up pursuing the other man and I explained that I hadn't but that I had realised that I need to have this conversation with him.

So, I'm planning, with my husband's full backing, to fly to his home town and spend a week with him. Yes its going to be freezingly cold, but this conversation needs to be had and I can't back down like I have every other time.

I must be brave for both of us. This is too important to let go because if it ends badly later, our entire friendship will break down. As my husband said, the only thing I will not accept is either of them leaving my life.