Transparency
Well... welcome to the new year. May 2005 sort the whole mess of my existance out.
He visited again after Christmas and has just left. He spent a week with us, and it was fun. Though I don't know what I am doing precisely. My husband has been encouraging me to ask him to sleep with me... or something similar. Even just to say that I want to sleep with him. Both of which are hard for me. I'm shy, I know I have to make the first move, but am unsure of whether or not that would be welcome. I'm terrified that our friendship could be ruined by my actions and I don't want that either.
So I had planned to say "I really, really like you. I'm interested in boffing you. I understand that you may not wish the added complications that this brings or you may not be interested. That is cool. I just wanted it out in the open."
Given that I have strong feelings for the guy, I couldn't actually bring myself to say that... I thought it was a bit too clinical and cold. I chickened out, with visions of him going very cold on me or being upset.
So this morning I thought that I'd say "I have a confession to make. I want you. I understand that you may not reciprocate that, and that's cool".
Again, I couldn't do it. Instead I said that I had a dilemma. He told me I didn't and said I had "him" (my husband) while pointing in the direction of my bedroom as my husband was still asleep.
So at least I know that he knows that I want him and have feelings for him. Now all I have to do is tell him that my husband doesn't mind if I sleep with him and neither do I... even though he may. My husband, after the other man left, said that maybe my problem is that I haven't figured out exactly what I want from the other man. And I think he's right on that one.
My husband doesn't know that I love the other man as well as him. I know I should tell him, but I don't know how to break that ice either. And maybe I should tell the other man before I tell my husband. Though if this morning is anything to go by he probably has that figured out as well. Its not like I try and hide it. I massage him, kiss his forehead or cheek, hold his hand when we are walking places, snuggle with him and generally play the part of a love-sick teenager. He reciprocates though, which indicates, I hope, that he has feelings for me too.
So I don't know what to do next. I'll see him again in February for my birthday... and then probably for Easter... or there abouts.
I enjoy having him around and flirting with him. My husband was very well behaved and kept his distace, and didn't react when he saw us snuggling, which I think made the other guy relax a bit.
We attempted, and failed to hold a LAN party while he was here. As my sister was here I told him that I'd have to behave or she'd reach the wrong/correct conclusion which could cause problems. He still sought me out to make sure that I was ok during the night while there were problems and rubbed my back and gave me some hugs.
I don't know if I am reading too much into all of this. I'll just have to go on gut instict.
He visited again after Christmas and has just left. He spent a week with us, and it was fun. Though I don't know what I am doing precisely. My husband has been encouraging me to ask him to sleep with me... or something similar. Even just to say that I want to sleep with him. Both of which are hard for me. I'm shy, I know I have to make the first move, but am unsure of whether or not that would be welcome. I'm terrified that our friendship could be ruined by my actions and I don't want that either.
So I had planned to say "I really, really like you. I'm interested in boffing you. I understand that you may not wish the added complications that this brings or you may not be interested. That is cool. I just wanted it out in the open."
Given that I have strong feelings for the guy, I couldn't actually bring myself to say that... I thought it was a bit too clinical and cold. I chickened out, with visions of him going very cold on me or being upset.
So this morning I thought that I'd say "I have a confession to make. I want you. I understand that you may not reciprocate that, and that's cool".
Again, I couldn't do it. Instead I said that I had a dilemma. He told me I didn't and said I had "him" (my husband) while pointing in the direction of my bedroom as my husband was still asleep.
So at least I know that he knows that I want him and have feelings for him. Now all I have to do is tell him that my husband doesn't mind if I sleep with him and neither do I... even though he may. My husband, after the other man left, said that maybe my problem is that I haven't figured out exactly what I want from the other man. And I think he's right on that one.
My husband doesn't know that I love the other man as well as him. I know I should tell him, but I don't know how to break that ice either. And maybe I should tell the other man before I tell my husband. Though if this morning is anything to go by he probably has that figured out as well. Its not like I try and hide it. I massage him, kiss his forehead or cheek, hold his hand when we are walking places, snuggle with him and generally play the part of a love-sick teenager. He reciprocates though, which indicates, I hope, that he has feelings for me too.
So I don't know what to do next. I'll see him again in February for my birthday... and then probably for Easter... or there abouts.
I enjoy having him around and flirting with him. My husband was very well behaved and kept his distace, and didn't react when he saw us snuggling, which I think made the other guy relax a bit.
We attempted, and failed to hold a LAN party while he was here. As my sister was here I told him that I'd have to behave or she'd reach the wrong/correct conclusion which could cause problems. He still sought me out to make sure that I was ok during the night while there were problems and rubbed my back and gave me some hugs.
I don't know if I am reading too much into all of this. I'll just have to go on gut instict.
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