Relief
So last night I sat down with my husband and told him how unhappy I was and how I was despairing. I didn't tell him everything, I'm not that stupid.
I dragged him off the computer when I got home and we sat in the lounge room. I thought we could just chat, reaffirm our relationship and stuff. I just broke down. Completely broke down. I told him that I had been so unhappy these past few months, that although I am strong and cope with a lot of crap, I have reached my limit. Just like cast iron. It is strong but under the wrong pressure it shatters like glass.
Initally when I started crying he sat away from me, not touching me. I didn't know what to think. I told him that I didn't know if he was going to get better anymore, and he told me that he needed my faith in him. My faith was one of the few things keeping him alive and moving to the next level. Eventually he asked me what I wanted, at that moment I wanted to be held and cherished, so I asked him for a hug and he came over and hugged me and I made him all soggy.
I was just so miserable last night. I'm still sad writing this now. I feel like I have gotten a couple of years of sadness out of my system. For the first time in what seems like an age, I have been able to get sad without my husband also getting sad. I've been allowed to have "my turn" at getting sad.
He asked me if there was anything else that was upsetting me, and I told him that the worst thing is that I have no one else to talk to about this. I didn't tell him that I also love another man, that would have been counter productive, but he understood my overall resentment of his moods.
Its a start on the road to recovery. It doesn't solve my overall angst, but I feel a lot better today than I have all week.
I suppose having over 12 hours sleep also contributed to that.
Lets see how things go.
I dragged him off the computer when I got home and we sat in the lounge room. I thought we could just chat, reaffirm our relationship and stuff. I just broke down. Completely broke down. I told him that I had been so unhappy these past few months, that although I am strong and cope with a lot of crap, I have reached my limit. Just like cast iron. It is strong but under the wrong pressure it shatters like glass.
Initally when I started crying he sat away from me, not touching me. I didn't know what to think. I told him that I didn't know if he was going to get better anymore, and he told me that he needed my faith in him. My faith was one of the few things keeping him alive and moving to the next level. Eventually he asked me what I wanted, at that moment I wanted to be held and cherished, so I asked him for a hug and he came over and hugged me and I made him all soggy.
I was just so miserable last night. I'm still sad writing this now. I feel like I have gotten a couple of years of sadness out of my system. For the first time in what seems like an age, I have been able to get sad without my husband also getting sad. I've been allowed to have "my turn" at getting sad.
He asked me if there was anything else that was upsetting me, and I told him that the worst thing is that I have no one else to talk to about this. I didn't tell him that I also love another man, that would have been counter productive, but he understood my overall resentment of his moods.
Its a start on the road to recovery. It doesn't solve my overall angst, but I feel a lot better today than I have all week.
I suppose having over 12 hours sleep also contributed to that.
Lets see how things go.
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